It Is Well With My Soul because I'd Rather Have Jesus

In 2 Samuel David makes a statement that he can't give to God that which cost him nothing. Although I had been walking with the Lord for sometime, it wasn't until the summer of 2006 that I truly surrendered my heart, dreams and ideas over to Him and made Him Lord of everything. I told Him, down any road at any cost, I would follow and I truly meant those words. Since that day, there have been seasons that have led me down a path ending at the foot of the cross. Upon arriving at this place, I have had to lay my preferences or desires there and walk away. Knowing that to truly know God and to live for Him, I had to lay it all down; surrender everything.  A friend once told me that God will take us to altar moments, just as He did Abraham with Isaac. In those altar moments, it will not be enough to simply build the altar; it will not be enough to simply lay that "thing" on that altar; but He will require us to raise the dagger and be willing to put to death that very "thing" which appears more important than Him. 

In  following Christ, it is supposed to cost you and me. We all should live with the mindset as David lived.  My altar moments have called for me to move to another country and lay the dream of house, marriage and family in the USA down.  I am asked often by strangers who are simply curious about my life and choices if I just did not want to get married or have children or live in the USA.  I often reply that I believe I will one day have a marriage, family and home, preferably on the mission field. However, at present this is what God has for me and is doing in me.  I have to trust in God, I cannot afford any other option. 

Maybe for those of you reading this, your altar moments have looked nothing like mine.  However, the point is not if yours are similar to mine but rather do you even have them. Does your life lived before Jesus allow for Him to call you to the foot of the cross and lay down that which is held more dear than Him? God cares more about your willingness to lay something down for His name sake than the actual something you laid down.
 
 On March 26th, 2010 my grandmother, (known to many of us as "Nanny") closed her eyes for the final time and passed away. I received the phone call from my father early that morning informing me of her peaceful death. I wanted so much to be there with her, to hug her one more time and say goodbye.  When the choice came to fly home, I turned it down.  God gave me the option but in my heart I knew I needed to stay.  As painful as the decision was and still is, I do not regret it for one second.  Upon hearing of her death it took me many days to gather my thoughts and challenge myself of the decision to live here and of the cost. 
 
Thank you to so many of you who sent emails, cards and messages containing your condolences and prayers.  I am one very blessed girl!  
 
There is much on the agenda this month for Light Force and I am excited!
 
On the week of the 19th, I will have three awesome women coming to help us conduct the next outreach beyond the border! Amber, from Georgia, will be here for several weeks with me.  Karen, from Kentucky and my home church, will be here a week.  I have known Karen my whole life and it is truly a precious privilege to have her come and to be able to serve alongside her here!  Last but not least, my Mama is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She will be here for a week and I am so so excited.  Here I am missing my family but choosing to stay and God rewards that by sending family to me.  The most beautiful part is that He doesn't have to but He chooses to and that concept makes me cry all over again.

I am leaving the lyrics to one of my favorite hymns, which was the last song I sang with my grandmother.
 
I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold;
I’d rather be His than have riches untold;
I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands,
I’d rather be led by His nail pierced hand.

I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause;
I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause;
I’d rather have Jesus than world-wide fame,
I’d rather be true to His holy name. 

Than to be a king of a vast domain
Or be held in sin’s dread sway,
I’d rather have Jesus than anything
This world affords today.