The Weight of the World is Not Mine to Carry

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance....will arise from another....And who knows but that you have come for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

This passage came across my path yesterday during a time where I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. "FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!" echoed over and over in my head. I began to think on the story of Esther, a story I have memorized all too well. I cannot begin to imagine the weight Esther must have felt on her shoulders and in her heart. An entire nation in some ways depended on her speaking up and facing down the enemy. I wondered in that moment what was going through Esther's mind. Did she have supernatural peace, was she worrying and laying awake at night tossing and turning, or did she spend hours and hours upon her knees crying out? Perhaps to paint a clearer picture of my current frame of mind; I will go back to the beginning of my adventure to the border last week.

Catherine, Susannah, Josue and myself loaded up in the car and headed off to the border for the very first workshop. This workshop, as I have mentioned before, consisted of jewelry making. So many wonderful people contributed to buying beads and helping me prepare for this event while I was in the States last month. Our trip was a breeze up to the border and oh how I wish that would have set the tone for the rest of the day, however that was not to be the case! We arrived earlier than planned, so we checked into our hotel, freshened up and grabbed some breakfast. Within the first hour of arriving, things quickly began to spiral down hill. Soon after breakfast Susannah and Josue were not feeling well, then we discovered the car had a flat tire and then right after that I sprained my ankle. All of this transpiring within a forty minute time span and down to the wire of the workshop beginning! I limped back into my hotel room and called my parents to pray. I do not believe in coincidences and I knew we were under attack. Despite all that was going on around me, my heart was still at so much peace. God is good. After meeting all the wonderful friends and partners in this mission at the church we headed off to the border. Food=check! Water=check! Jewelry=check! Paperwork=check! All was in order and we were ahead of schedule. I was feeling relief by our organization in spite of my throbbing and now swelling ankle.

Upon arriving with everything in tote at the border checkpoint. We were denied access. This was unusual and frustrating. Finally they only allowed Susannah and I through so we could go to immigration and solve the confusion and restricted access. Susannah and I quickly discover the man we need to speak with is off that day but the head guy in charge was in the office! This was an instant answer to prayer as he is a wonderful, helpful man that we have quickly grown to love. He is a christian and our biggest supporter. It is unusual to find him at this office but thankfully that day he was in and just who we needed to see!

He greeted us warmly, fixed the issue of denied access and then sadly informed us we could no longer work inside the border or hold events there anymore. I was caught off guard and at this point discouraged. Everything felt as if it was unraveling and crashing down around my feet. He said we would have to go into Nicaragua and hold events and workshops inside the country. Security was tightening and if they allowed any girls into the border for our events it would open a crack in the sealing of security. I understood and wanted what was best for our safety and the safety of children as there had been issues in regards to kidnappings and so on. I could tell he was discouraged to give us the news but as I looked back up, he smiled. He encouraged us that God was bigger and he would make a way. I knew in my heart he was right but at that moment I could help but feel defeated. As we left his office to head back to the workshop, a girl flagged Susannah and I down. She recognized us and told us she was counting down the time until the workshop started! What a comfort after everything else! All the set back and obstacles were worth even just that one girl being saved. I love how God will smile on us with situations such as that.

The workshop started and seemed to be a huge success to all who attended. Catherine told me later that while I was teaching them how to make the loops, there seemed to be hope in one woman's eyes. Another woman looked like a child in her face as she marveled at the pair of earrings she had just made. Once again worth it all! We passed out food and cookies to all who came. We cleaned up, packed up, and headed back to the cars.

I was tired, dirty, sweaty, limping and yet full of hope. Paul says, hope that is seen is not hope at all. I have no idea how the workshop will come together that we had already planned for March 6th but isn't that what faith is for? So now we pray and plan for our next event inside Nicaragua at Pastor Rudy's church.

Later that night, the World Vision representative told me she was surprised the women and young girls come to our events because they know we are Christians and usually they do not respond well to those types of ministries. She said, "You have an 'in' with these girls" and that it was amazing.

I find myself flipping between the stories of Esther and Nehemiah in my bible. Both sought the Lord and kept in mind only He can save. Jesus carried the weight of the world on His shoulders to the cross. For this reason, I have every answer in Him. The weight is not mine to carry and never was. If my eyes are fixed on Him, God will see all endeavors through to completion.

To anyone who is reading this today and feels as if they have the weight of the world upon them, remember that Jesus said to seek Him first and He will take care of the rest. He is always the answer. Search the Bible, for in it lies all the answers you are looking for. God doesn't hide things from us, He hides things for us.

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
Mother Teresa